My computer died a painful death.

We set out to nuke the hard drive and reinstall all the software and data on Saturday. We nuked it, and then discovered that, golly, there is a hardware problem after all! Nevermind that I've been saying this from the very beginning . . .

Anyway, long story short, it's impossible to install the OS on my overly-expensive paper-weight. Now we have to go back to the store that sold us the components and give them what-for. Hopefully, we'll get some new and functioning components out of this. ~sigh~

I probably won't be blogging much for a while, or returning emails, so . . . uh, sorry.

Since I'm effectively cut off from the Internet for a while, maybe you'd like to send me a voice mail:

780-423-2492 ext. 2109

But don't feel obliged or anything.

This song makes my heart sing. I can't explain it. I keep playing it over and over and over again, and I just don't get tired of hearing it. I love it:

Babylon by David Gray

Friday night I'm going nowhere

All the lights are changing green to red

Turning over TV stations

Situations running through my head

Well looking back through time

You know it's clear that I've been blind

I've been a fool

To ever open up my heart

To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild

And all the lights are changing red to green

Moving through the crowd I'm pushing

Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream

Only wish that you were here

You know I'm seeing it so clear

I've been afraid

To show you how I really feel

Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

If you want it

Come and get it

Crying out loud

The love that I was

Giving you was

Never in doubt

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Babylon, Babylon

Sunday all the lights of London

Shining , Sky is fading red to blue

I'm kicking through the Autumn leaves

And wondering where it is you might be going to

Turning back for home

You know I'm feeling so alone

I can't believe

Climbing on the stair

I turn around to see you smiling there

In front of me

If you want it

Come and get it

Crying out loud

The love that I was

Giving you was

Never in doubt

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Babylon, Babylon, Babylon

Ah yes, why am I not surprised.

Looks like the rat-dog is the same dog that WHines and WHines and WHines all day.

Someone's stupid-shit dog was just in the yard.

Not a big dog. An ugly-ass little nasty fucking toy poodle. (No offense to you poodle-people out there, but this was not a good specimen of the breed, by any stretch of the imagination.)

At first I thought I'd taken leave of my senses and was hallucinating. But no, in front of the patio doors was this shivering little rat of a dog, sniffing around the yard. I was going to let him in so that I could track down the owner and tell them that their dog has been making his rounds, but he got spooked by the cats and I. He gave a nasty little growl and bark, and dragged his rat-ass back under the fence from where he came.

I figure he was looking for crap to eat, and didn't find what he was looking for.

I think my heart is going to burst from the cuteness:

Picture from McDude.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

The neighbour's dog is making me crazy.

WHine, WHine, WHine, WHine . . .

AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

I'm in love . . . with a car. ~flutter flutter~

There I was, minding my own business, walking through West Edmonton Mall with Forever North. We were walking towards the Ice Palace, when I suddenly noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

No, I thought, it can't be. The flash of blue and yellow struck me, and I knew what I was looking at.

A Subaru Impreza WRX. Not a picture. Not a model. A real one. A real fucking left-hand drive WRX in delicious rally blue with the yellow decals on the side.

It only took a moment, and I was done for.

I touched it gently, wondering if it would suddenly disappear into thin air. No. I had touched it, and it was still there.

"OH, glorious Impreza WRX," I cried, "how I have LONGED for you!!!! How I have PINED for your 227 hp and 217 lb/ft of torque. How I have ACHED for your 2.0L, DOHC 16 valve, turbocharged and intercooled H4. Oh finally, we are together!"

I leaned up against the side of the car and drooled over the Momo steering wheel and excellent seats with side-bolstering. I fogged up the window with my heavy breathing.

I moved to the front of the car. The headlights have been redesigned by Subaru, but I don't care. Love is blind, and love handles like a son-of-a-bitch. I gazed longingly at the hood scoop that leads to the fully-functioning intercooler. The front fascia is a thing of beauty.

I moved to the back, and ran my hands over the silky new spoiler, admiring its new shape and the silver badging on the back of the car. "WRX!", the badge proclaimed. I knew I was smitten.

Even the wheels. OH, the WHEELS. And the brakes. Even the brakes are beautiful.

Forever North and I must have stood ogling and fondling that car for 30 minutes or more.

I'm in love. I've found my car, and she is breathtaking.

Happy Valentine's Day

Picture from Vintage Valentine Art.

All I wanted was some stinking Valentine's Day clipart, but clearly that was too much to ask.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone out there.

And a ASCII rose for Forever North, since it's the only thing I can post here without spending 3 hours searching for graphics:

@----->------------

AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

4 times out of 10, my browser won't load a webpage.

10 times out of 10, my browser won't load a java applet.

What the fuck is going on???????

Time for hammer treatment, little computer . . . . where's my hammer . . .

The cats are music critics.

Dusty and Mr. Cubbs, being the characters that they are, have given us their take on some music we've played:

Classical music, via CBC Radio 1 gets a feline a-okay.

Human Puppets by Section 25 is a stinker.

Several of the songs off of Enya's new album have the effect of fingernails on a chalkboard, and should never be played in the presence of the critics again.

Dusty and Mr. Cubbs literally ran from the stereo when I put the Enya album in. I've never seen cats so disgusted with a piece of music. Too bad, since some of the songs are really nice.

Er, now that I know that there are great deals on airfare to be had, can anyone tell me why a Canadian clothing chain now has an airline?

Who knew that I could find a great deal on airfare through a blog?

Awesome.

~waves~

Hi Candace, I didn't even know you had a blog!!!

My cousin-in-law has a blog! I knew she had a website, but I didn't know she had a blog.

I swear, reading her blog makes me think that we're actually related or something. Funny gal, that Candace!

Visit her site. It's good! :)

Er, did someone forget to tell Milton Bradley that this is a drinking game?

Anna Kournikova let loose her wrath on my friend.

Okay, not quite, but boy, that would be a good story, eh?

AUGH.

Stick a knife through my heart, why don't you. Before I could even get an ADSL connection, they're bringing Napster to its knees.

Oh, the humanity. How will I find obscure 80's music without it? How will I get my hands on sound files like Britney Spears swearing backstage at Rock in Rio, and The Lost Homosexual Star Trek episode?

~sigh~

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan."

-- Irving Townsend.

I Only Wanted You

They say memories are golden

well maybe that is true.

I never wanted memories,

I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,

a million times I cried.

If love alone could have saved you

you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,

In death I love you still.

In my heart you hold a place

no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway

and heartache make a lane,

I'd walk the path to heaven

and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,

and nothing seems the same.

But as God calls us one by one,

the chain will link again.

-- Author unknown

Well, all the furkids are home now. Momo, Mochi and Koji have now come home for good, and now there are 5 furkids running around, including our roommates Dusty and Mr. Cubbs.

But despite all this, I'm having an ache for my baby, Yuki.

It'll be 2 months on Tuesday since he died. I don't know . . . maybe every 13th of every month won't be quite the same anymore.

The ache is less raw, but I still miss him so much.

Dusty and Mr. Cubbs are wonderful little angels. They help fill up some of the empty spaces that Yuki left in my life. But OH how I miss him.

I miss the fact that he would never hiss at me. We trusted each other completely, and he always seemed so sure that I would never do anything to hurt him. His love was boundless. He hated having his belly touched, but if I stroked it ever so lightly and gently, and spoke softly to him, he knew I was just showing my love and he would let me do it. He even came to enjoy having his paws stroked, even though it once drove him crazy.

I could pet him even if he was in his litterbox (a feline faux pas). Without fail, he would always give me a strange look, as though he was wondering why I was being so weird, but he never seemed upset. He was so gentle with me.

He was an angel straight from God, I'm sure. I've never known love like that. Maybe I never will. There will be love . . . for certainly there is love in this house from all the critters. But it will always be different. There will never be another angel like Yuki. Our souls were intertwined, and I don't think that they will ever be untangled.

Dusty will wrap himself around my heart in one place, Mr. Cubbs in another, and Momo, Mochi and Koji in other places still. The part of my heart that was for Yuki will always be for Yuki. Forever encapsulated and preserved until we are together and he can claim that part of my heart again.

Yuki, wherever you are, I love you. Good night, my angel-kitten.

And he's a wild stud to boot.

Excuse me, but there were never any guys like that in my classes.

Oh look, I have a blogging neighbour.

Did I mention this page looks best at 1024x768 now?

It looks okay at 800x600 . . . I mean, it's not like you're missing anything. But it looks better at 1024x768.

That's mostly because I got really tired of resizing my digital pictures. :)

And it looks like crap at 640x480.

Well, Forever North and I are bringing home Momo, Mochi and Koji home today! YAY!

But before I go, I'd like you guys to meet our new roommates, Dusty and Mr. Cubbs. They're my new little darlings. They belong to the guy that we are sharing this townhouse with. Dusty is 9 and Mr. Cubbs is 5. Dusty is a real snuggler, who despite the occassional moodiness, is an absolute baby. He'd spend all day lying with me on the couch if he could. Mr. Cubbs is big softie, large in stature with the tiniest meow you've ever heard. He sounds like a kitten! He's not a snuggler, but he is very affectionate and will demand petting from time to time. They both share our bed at night.

They're one of the best things that has happened to me since Yuki passed away. They really help soothe the ache I feel. :)

It's time again for rally fever, folks.

We're thick into the Swedish Rally now, Round 2 of the 2001 FIA World Rally Championship. According to my rally mailing list, Harri Rovanper� is in the lead in his Peugeot 206.

I still don't have Speedvision, but dammit, I won't let that stop me!!!!

I have my rally mailing list that brings me all the up to date news about the World Rally Championship. I also have the Subaru World Rally Team website, which is chock full of Subaru goodies for junkies like me. :)

I haven't really explored the World Rally Championship Discussion List, but I suspect that's a good one too.

Rally on, fellow junkies!!!!

~phew~

That was so scary. I brought up Blogger, and none of my blogs were listed. I thought I was going to pass out from the shock.

Thankfully, it's all good now.

"I find 'hosting', in it's preconceived notion, is a popularity contest based on who can package their personal feelings in the prettiest package. That is why fiercecalm is known for it's open acceptance to expressive souls despite design. I don't care if you use big, flashing text if it proves a point. If it expresses how you feel, then why the hell should someone belittle that?" - Meghan

It's nice to know someone feels that way.

Congratulate her on her upcoming wedding! :)

Yep, the name rage pretty much sums it up.

"I bitchslapped an oldman today . . . " and "I walked right up to him and shoved him into the glass."

Who knows if it's true, but he must be a barrel of laughs at parties. :|

I found a lovely page, with content that is near and dear to my own heart.

Ray's Web Page is chock full of beautiful photographs of some of my favourite places in Alberta. One of my favourite parts is the page on wildflowers of Edmonton. The pictures were taken by Ray Rasmussen himself, and they are incredibly beautiful.

Now, even if I move out of Alberta, I'll have somewhere to visit so it doesn't seem so far away. :)

Wow! I sent Jess, the owner of the Blog Canada ring, an email at 3:30 am about the problems I was having with the link.

She responded right away, and at this ungodly hour! Is that service, or what?

Thanks, Jess, you're super duper!

Oh, and the Blog Canada ring doesn't work for me. I don't know why.

I'll work on getting that fixed.

I finally got my webring links up on my page.

I'm sorry, that really took much longer than it should have.

I'll make it look nice later.

You can shudder in empathetic fear over the fact that I have 1481 email messages to sift through (thanks, Petbunny!).

Oh, and everyone thinks I've died, since I haven't been responding to emails or anything.

~deep sigh~

What has it been, a week? Two? Good grief.

Forever North and I left for Gman's wedding on January 26th, and we returned on the 28th. We've been in the new place since then, but living like nomads with none of our belongings. I feel like a squatter or something.

My computer has been in and out of use since I bought it. I've mostly been using other people's computers for the last 2 months. I've been without a computer for the last week and a half and without Internet access for two. Two very long weeks.

I wanted to get on without paying, since I'm holding out for a DSL connection a little down the road. Do you know how hard it is to get free Internet access when you don't have any? Very hard.

I tried downloading the necessary files on Forever North's work computer, but the files don't fit on a floppy disk, so I couldn't bring it home. I considered burning the files onto a CD, but it seems like such a waste to use a 650 MB CD for a few dinky files. I tried copying the files onto my Sharp camera disk, but that didn't work, even though there is room. (Invalid file type or something . . . yeesh.) I finally broke down and installed AOL Canada on my computer.

Yes, that velvety voice echoed over my speakers with, "Welcome to AOL Canada". Be afraid. Be very afraid.

But don't be too afraid, because this is temporary. TEMPORARY. I'll be downloading some free shit shortly, and booting this AOL crap off. Even if I have to have my screen plastered in banners everytime I want to read my email, I don't care. Just let it be free so I can save up until I can get DSL.