This files sums things up perfectly for me right now.

More drug induced poetry inspired by a strange mixture of cough syrup with codeine and late-night electronica:

Rock with the jazz

bop with the jazz

you are a floating head.

Float, man, float,

dance like only a disembodied head can.

You are one with the vibe.

Dance!

~bows~ Thank you, thank you very much. I couldn't have done it without the giant lavender-coloured rabbit that's sitting in the corner. Look, he's waving at me! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Ever in the haze of the latest illness to waft through the community, I would just like to say how much I love cough syrup with codeine. Oh, sweet codeine. I dance, I float, I write a drug-induced poem:

Codeine, how I love thee,

ever sweet,

ever accomodating

you rock me into a mental fog

and slip me slowly into unconsciousness.

Oh sweet

SWEET Codeine,

you glaze the world with joy

like a narcotic doughnut.

You and your opiate friends

sing to me

in your sweet, high voices

with the murmur of late-night electronica

in the background

on CBC Radio.

Kiss me

rock me

hit me with your soporific sledgehammer,

I am yours.

I AM 28% GEEK.

You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing.

Frankly, I'm surprised my score was that low.

I AM 15% GOTH.

Frankly, I'm surprised my score was that high.

I entered Merry's contest with the following pictures:

Even if I don't win, the entry alone was worth it. BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

LINK WHORE LINK WHORE LINK WHORE

I have been link whored by the guy I went to high school with.

Gosh, that sounds kind of sexual, and probably illegal in 15 countries.

Nevermind. The bunny isn't broken.

I'm going to go bandage my finger now.

I'm sorry everyone. I broke the bunny. It appears that the infrequent pokes desensitized the bunny, and now my machine-gunning efforts elicit no response.

Sorry.

Interesting. FN and I have been experimenting with poking the bunny, and it appears that quick and frequent pokes get your finger bit faster than slow, infrequent pokes.

Play with the bunny! Tease the bunny! Poke the bunny! Get your finger bit the fuck off by the bunny!

Poke the bunny

A short lesson in why bunnies are not always cute and cuddly. Momo loves me, but he does not love your finger in his ass. Why, this animation is just like the real thing!

Found via Jish.

Bruce Lee rocks!

Found via Robin Jean.

Hey, more local homies on the 'Net!

It probably would have escaped my notice, if it weren't for the fact that I went to high school with Donald "Beast Raper" R.

I don't think he'd know who the fuck I am, though, since he was a year behind me. I found him in my old yearbook. Haha!

The church down the road from our house is back into the punny swing of things.

It seems they have some person in charge of changing the message on the church sign every Sunday who must have the complete collection of Christian puns, or some other glorious anthology.

This week, one of the side says:

SALVATION: DON'T LEAVE EARTH WITHOUT IT!

That isn't my favourite, though. By far my favourite is:

FORBIDDEN FRUITS CREATE MANY JAMS

That one had me laughing for a good block and a half, if only because I couldn't believe that the church punmeister was back at it.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

A bit of background on the gem featured above.

Pissing and moaning about Subaru in North America:

Monday October 4, 1999

While I'm at it, I'd like to air my beef with Subaru of North America.

I'm a rally junkie, and I think ____ and _____ aren't far behind. I'm quite sure there are many others like us across the continent with far more spending power. So what's the deal with shafting us on the Impreza? It wasn't until this year that they finally decided to put out the Impreza 2.5 RS, a "performance" version of the Impreza. Lovely though it is, it's downright weak compared to the Imprezas being offered in Britain, Australia and Japan. Or even just Japan.

Last year, the Impreza 22B was released in Japan. All 399 of them (without #13). Even Colin McRae, Subaru's golden-haired-boy of last year, didn't get one. Okay, so it's not a cheap car to produce. And yes, I know it's right-hand drive. But that car was sent straight from heaven. It was and is the closest thing one can buy next to the actual Impreza STi that Richard Burns and Juha Kankkunen are driving.

Okay, so I'm being a little nutty. Well, what about the Impreza WRX? You think we can even get the base WRX? Not a freakin' chance. This year's funky-momma-limited-edition Impreza is the RB5. That a little too rich for your blood? No problem. How about a WRX STi? Oh, did I mention that it's available in Australia and Japan only?

Hey, I'm sure Subaru is not in desperate need of expanding their customer base, but really . . . can they expect us to settle with the 2.5 RS when we know the WRX is out there????

There is such HUGE market potential in North America. I'm sure I've already brainstormed a year's worth of TV ads for Subaru that would blow Crocodile Dundee and his stinking commercials out of the water. I've got no advertising education or experience, but who knows . . . maybe they'll buy a few ideas off me for a cool $1M or so. Hey, it could happen.

BTW, and it appears that the Subaru importers in Cyprus (http://www.subaru.cy.net) are offering the WRX and the spanky new Legacy B4 sedan. I guess they drive on the wrong side too. *sigh*

My thoughts on life without cable, and the World Rally Championship:

Monday October 4, 1999

It's year two of my struggle. For a second consecutive year, I am forced to follow the World Rally Championship via the Internet.

For the record, both the North American Subaru sites (http://www.subaru.com and http://www.subaru.ca) absolutely blow goats when it comes to any sort of rally info, or even spirit. Last year I was forced to stumble my way to the Japanese Subaru site. No, I cannot read Japanese, and no, my browser does not support Japanese characters (Netscape Communicator 4.61). I had to sift my way though endless layers of incomprehensible symbols until I finally found their WRC page, complete with numerous and humongous pictures.

Thankfully, the Brits got their stuff together and put up a very nice Flash-enabled site, complete with WRC goodies in ENGLISH! They may drive on the wrong side of the road, but I would be lost without them. God bless McRae and Burns for being British!

Nevertheless, I still long for moving pictures. There are no stations that carry any WRC coverage, except for Speedvision.

I'm seriously considering breaking down and letting Videon stick it to me, to the tune of $12.99 for CNBC, The Golf Channel, The History Channel, The Comedy Channel, Tele-toon, Space, WTBS, The Family Channel, CTV Sports Net, Speedvision, Prime TV, Food TV, and Outdoor Life. So that's, what, 13 channels for $13. A buck a channel. But do I want CNBC? Or Prime TV? What exactly do they show on Prime TV? On the Family Channel, I can watch Britney Spears and Christina Aguiliara bounce around as 8 year olds on Mickey Mouse Club reruns. Sure, I like the cooking shows on Food TV, and Outdoor Life has some groovy stuff on it, but $13/month is really $156 dollars a year. I only need to feed ONE habit, not 13.

If I particularly enjoy getting raped by the cable company, I can also add $17.18/month for the basic package. That include the charming and useless channels that you find on channels 70-75. There's no extra charge for the white noise.

But, back to the WRC coverage. When I do get the chance to visit ____'s folks in ________, I am able to indulge fully in the glory of Speedvision. Sure, I have to be up at 2:00 in the morning, or home at 3:00 in the afternoon, but what's a little sacrifice?

For now, I guess I'll stick with Poverty-Vision at home. I kind of enjoy crawling across my furniture, using my body as a giant antenna.

I dug deeper, and I found posts that never saw the light of day:

October 14, 1999

8 months for graphic design, 2 months for actual layout adjustment. At this rate, I ought to be finished just before my 83rd birthday. This website took longer that carrying a child . . . makes pregnancy seem like a viable alternative.

It couldn�t possibly take this long in the real world. People go broke and become millionaires in less time. And it�s not like a child. I can�t pick it up and say, �10 little fingers, and 10 little toes . . . perfect!�. My baby is incomplete. I�d hold mine up and say, �Oh, there�s 3 fingers over there . . . and 5 toes over there . . . well, 8 out of 20 ain�t bad.�.

But that�s okay. Limeworld was meant to be a work in progress . . . a graphic representation of whatever happens to be on my mind at any given time. Kind of a brain barf.

You know you�re getting bogged down by creative vomit when you start considering hiring someone to do the simple stuff so you have more time to do the cool stuff. God, a staff. Can you imagine having A STAFF of people to work on your webpage? Can you imagine being employed for $20/hr. just to make a site look pretty? Or build tables? I think people actually do. My god.

You just never know what you'll find when wandering through your hard drive.

An old layout of Limeworld that never saw the light of day because it was hacked together in Adobe ImageStyler and took up too much space:

And, an intact example of my brief foray into java buttons, here.

Wow, this banner is really old. Whoa, dusty . . . ~cough snort cough~

That puppy is way low-tech . . . drawn in MS Paint and animated in something else. Oi!

Les blogeurs are a leetle French today:

My first image map in Adobe ImageReady! Yay me!

A little something I made this morning:

The Sky

In memory of Yuki.

This guy is a Flash-weilding God. We mere mortals only dream of creating things like that.

Oooh, like manna from heaven, it's a Flash game shmorgasboard!

Another fun Flash game.

Found via Ellis

AGH! My eyes!

Staring at that for a minute or so, then staring at regular text has an interesting/nauseating affect.

Found via Ellis

Early morning germ killing fun.

I love Flash games. :)

It has finally happened.

The Country and Western Music Overmind finally found a way to get to me, and I have succumbed. I could deny it before . . . "Bah," I'd say, "that Dixie Chicks' song is a pop song," or, "that song by Faith Hill in my playlist? Merely a cross-over song". But no more.

Tonight I saw O Brother, Where Art Thou?. I wasn't sure why I wanted to watch a movie about Depression-era convicts where George Clooney runs around wearing a hairnet and singing songs, but I watched it anyway. Well, it goes without saying, the movie was so much more than I thought it would be. Oh, OH so much more.

In fact, if you were to ask me if I would be happy to find a DVD in my Christmas stocking of a movie about Depression-era convicts where George Clooney runs around wearing a hairnet and singing songs, I would respond with a resounding YES. Of course, all you artsy-fartsy intellectual types saw that coming, didn't y'all?

See? It's happening already. 106 minutes of damn-fine movie-making with the finest bluegrass soundtrack ever was enough to do me in permanently. I'll give you a moment to shriek in horror and for my father to disown me.

I was raised to abhor the twangy music. I was raised to recoil in horror at the mere mention of a banjo and run in the opposite direction. Perhaps that sort of music implied ignorance, intolerance, racism. Yeah, well, that's all irrelevent now. Through a hoarse, phlegmy whisper, I've been singing, "IIIIIIIIIIII ammmm a maaaaaaaaaaaaaannn of constaaaaant sorroooooooooooooowwwwwww . . . ".

Instead of Fatboy Slim and Sarah Harmer dominating my playlist, now Alison Krauss and the Soggy Bottom Boys are on top of the charts.

An' ahm nun ashamed neither . . .cuz if dem Coen bruthas like dis kin' o' music, it's gud enuf fer evrybudy! Although hopefully my speech impediment will clear up shortly.

-----------------------------------------------------------

On a slight side note, I would like to thank Blue Rodeo, and the Cowboy Junkies for paving the way for my assimilation into the C&W collective. Clearly, resistance was futile.

How to argue - a little something I got in an email:

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

* Drink Liquor.

Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

* Make things up.

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level." NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my bath house."

* Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:

Let me put it this way

In terms of

Vis-a-vis

Per se

As it were

Qua

So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not." Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say: "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D." Only a fool would challenge that statement.

* Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points.

The best are:

You're begging the question.

You're being defensive.

Don't compare apples and oranges.

What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

Here's how to use your comebacks:

You say, "As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..." Your opponents says, "Lincoln died in 1865." You say "You're begging the question." OR You say, "Liberians, like most Asians..." Your opponents says, "Liberia is in Africa." You say, "You're being defensive."

So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who carry weapons.

Anthrax changes name to Basket Full of Puppies in light of current events.

"PS - If an Anthrax member gets Anthrax, call Alanis Morrisette. That would be ironic. Don't you think?"

~hack snort cough hack~

You don't want what I have. I've been a miserable bastard since Wednesday night. Being able to walk from the bed upstairs to the couch downstairs was a great triumph for me today. I was also lucky enough to sleep through the night and not drown in my own mucus. I actually ate solid food today.

I have a renewed appreciation for eating, moving and breathing that I haven't had in a long time. If you can lie in bed without being in pain, keep food down long enough to digest it, and breathe clearly, you can count yourself very, very lucky. I do not envy seriously ill people.

I think I finally managed to fix Counter-Strike.

Which is great, because this little peacenik needs to go blow some shit up. See you in the trenches.

Apparently my psychotic next-door neighbour is vacuuming with the world's loudest, most ineffective vacuum known to humankind.

He's been vacuuming for at least an hour, making horrible whirring, grinding noises with each pass. It sounds like he's running the vacuum across the wall.

I guess Mr. Psychopath is expecting company.

Which then begs the question, what kind of company is Mr. Psychopath expecting? Is it going to be a Thankgiving feast for him and his psychotic, like-minded friends? Or will he have family over? Will be spending several hours pretending to be a decent human being, thus concealing the fact that he is a raving lunatic from his family? Or are his family raving lunatics as well? I guess we'll never know.

Today is Thanksgiving Day in Canada.

I have a great deal to be thankful for, but I must say that there is something grotesque about gorging one's self on a plump turkey while people are starving to death on the Afghanistan-Pakistan border.

Bon Appetit, everyone.

An elderly woman left an anonymous message on my voice mail saying that what we're doing is terrible.

I think I'm in the Twilight Zone.

Article on yesterday's peace rally on campus.

The rally got off to a shaky start, but I'm delighted with how it turned out.

Because my life isn't surreal enough, you can probably hear an interview with me on CBC Radio One.

FN was also on TV the other day for the speech he gave at last Tuesday's candlelight vigil.

All I can say is . . . wow.

Have you seen this picture?

Well, I think it's pretty clear that the picture is a hoax. In case you're not convinced, here's more evidence for you.