It's Tuesday. Is there a Tuesday Two?

Top Two Body Parts That Should Most Be Removed From My Step-Sister's Estranged Husband's Body, perhaps? No, I won't go there.

Top Two Reasons Why I Love Being In Vancouver:

1) I can go to the beach


2) It's warm enough to go to the beach and get a tan

How very boring of me. Oh well, at least I'm not knee-deep is slush. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It's Monday . . . is there a Monday thing for Mondays?

The Monday Melange? How many is in a melange?

Fuck I'm bored.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder, my step-sister's psychotic estranged husband comes by and starts shouting things at my step-sister.

He's a delightful wingnut who really ought to hire himself out to parties. I can't begin to tell you how glad I am that my taste in men does not include that particular genetic accident. In fact, any and all men who do not resemble Mr. Psycho really ought to be given some kind of a prize just for being decent.

I'm hoping whatever deformity is responsible for his mental state will also manifest itself in some kind of fatal physical condition, hopefully involving his reproductive organs.

I've officially moved into my apartment. I would get really excited about that, except that it's not really home yet. I have no furniture and no dishes, so I can't actually spend much time there. I suspect it will be a few months before it starts to feel like home.

On the one hand, it's great to be out of the hostel. Living out of a closet and having very little privacy can be annoying. Also having complete strangers see you at your grimiest as you wander blearily to the bathroom can be strange. On the other hand, though, I will miss being able to meet new people from all around the world. And wandering into the men's dorm to inadvertantly discover that many of them sleep in the buff . . . perhaps I've said too much.

Anyhoo, yeah, got a home now. Y'all can come and sleep on a choice piece of floor anytime.

It is presently a beautiful sunny day outside, and everything in sight is blooming like crazy. If you're going to visit, I suggest doing so in the next month, because all the flowers will blow your mind.

In the spirit of this month's search for employment, I offer Nerve.com's profiles of the unsung heroes of the sex industry:

A Life's Work: Mr. Clean - It's a hard knock life for the guy who mops the XXX video booths.

A Life's Work: Plaster Caster - A master molder of porn-star privates fills us in.

This Week In Sex:

A surgeon was removing a mole on a Danish man's buttocks with an electric knife when, in a spontaneous and profound critique of hospital food, the man broke wind, lighting a spark. His genitals, having been washed with surgical spirits, promptly caught fire. He's suing the hospital for pain and suffering and loss of income. "When I woke up, my penis and scrotum were burning like hell," claimed the flatulent patient.

Why I love my baby bunny

Because he loves to jump up on the couch and cuddle with us:

~deep sigh~

It's my baby bunny's birthday today. Momo is a glorious two years old, but he's 1250 kilometres away, so I can't snuggle and cuddle him and tell him how special he is. I hope he feels how much I love him.

Happy Birthday, baby bunny. I'll always treasure the day that you hopped into our lives and into our hearts.

Some people have been wondering how my move is going to change things on the personal front. I'll answer some possible questions:

What about Forever North? Does this mean you guys are breaking up?


Heck no! We are still very much together, and he is still very much the significant other/life partner/co-conspirator and alternate Benevolent Ruler and Supreme Leader of La Famiglia that he always has been. He's planning on moving out to Vancouver in a year or two.

And what about the critters? Did you dump them in a shelter?


No, they're are still living very contentedly with FN at home in Edmonton. Since the cats will likely be able to handle a move easier than the bunny and chinchillas, the cats will be joining me in May. I'd rather have the herbivores only have to move once, from Edmonton to a permanent place out here.

Okay, so this isn't some kind of subconscious fleeing from the little family you supposedly love?

No. FN and I will be seeing each other every 2 weeks or so, switching locations when we can. It won't be a complete separation.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

Yes.

Have you really thought this through?

Yes.

It's rather sudden, isn't it?

Yes.

And it's the right thing to do?

Unreservedly yes. The next natural step in my personal growth.

Can I come for a visit and sleep on your couch?

Actually, I don't have a couch, but you're welcome to find any piece of floor that suits you, starting May 1.

Is Kuala Lumpur really the capital of Malaysia?

I'm no geography expert, but I'm pretty sure the answer is yes.

I hope these answers help put all your minds at ease. Hugs to you all, I'm off to go secure my new apartment. :)

Phew, made it! In one piece, and with everything I need. At least for now.

I had a busy day, full of walking through Vancouver in search of an umbrella. I didn't bring one. Yes, I should have, but we can't all be perfect. So I walked. And walked. I figured somewhere along 4th avenue I would find a place that sells umbrellas. Uh, no. So I kept walking. And walking. Eventually it occurred to me that I was never going to find an umbrella, and that I would be better off going to my dad's place and asking to borrow one. I was about halfway across town by then.

An hour and a half after I had first set out, I arrived at my dad's place, soaked right through and looking very much like a drowned rat. I have blisters on both my feet, and my whole body is achy, but all in all I feel this was a good introduction to all the walking I will be doing in the future. I think running will have to wait until walking doesn't beat the crap out of me anymore.

I made a righteous spectacle of myself when I rolled into the hostel last night. My 28" upright suitcase, my other suitcase, and my carry-on attracted more than a few raised eyebrows. I know I'm moving here, I know I need all this stuff, but everyone else is wondering why I have more than a backpack and a granola bar.

I decided to ignore the staring and mumbling, and I went to my room and went to bed as soon as I could. I looked at my locker, and I was thinking that I would forever be a hopeless loser with a huge suitcase sitting next to my bed, but thankfully I was able to rearrange my belongings so that most of my stuff is in my locker and the suitcase slid quite neatly under my bed. Hooray!

So I'm gradually becoming less of a weenie, and I might even get to know some people while I'm at the hostel.

Tomorrow is apartment hunting day with my dad. I have a really good feeling about this one place. I can't explain it, but it gives me a good vibe. I haven't been there yet, but it might just end up being home!

This is the receipt for the cab ride during which I discovered that the lane lines on the road are just a general guide, and that your life really can flash before your eyes. All that for only $30!

The receipt for my stay at the hostel. I offerred my first born child, but they said they preferred Visa.

T minus six hours and counting. AGH!!!!

No, actually, I love packing. I love the feeling that I might leave something important behind.

Uh, yeah. About what I said earlier . . . forget that.

I'm going back to Vancouver, and this time nothing is going to get in my way. Hooray!

Well, I'm back in Edmonton.

Not a failure as much as a change in plans. The week we spent out there was very . . . weird. Best not to get into it all, but I'm back to take another swing at this place.