My plecostomus is better than your plecostomus

See that? That's a template. Salmon pink was starting to annoy the hell out of me, but I don't have the time to cobble together something original yet. So yeah, you get a template.

My birthday is in a week and a half, which I find oddly appropriate, given that my life is hurtling along at an alarming rate, and organizing it is a lot like trying to nail jello to a wall.

Among the 8 million other things to do, somewhere in there I'm supposed to plan my birthday. And then I'm supposed to invite people, as if anyone really cares that I'm a year older. I think getting blazingly drunk in a bar full of strangers is more in keeping with the general theme of things.

You are all cordially invited to my nervous breakdown. Here is what I have planned:

7:00 AM - wake up screaming like a banshee


8:00 AM - eat other people's food and drink other people's coffee as they sit in the Second Cup


11:00 AM - go tearing across campus partially clothed in whatever is in the recycle bin


11:20 AM - get picked up by campus 5-0


11:25 AM - hit on hot campus cop


11:26 AM - get dumped by the side of the road


12:00 PM - stand over someone at Subway and cough productively over their sandwich


12:05 PM - eat abandoned sandwich


2:00 PM - stand on street corner with a kazoo and empty guitar case, play Smoke On the Water


4:25 PM - concoct the most mind-bogglingly complex parking issue to confront campus parking services with, 5 minutes before quitting time


6:00 PM - wander over to Sam Wok and make semi-unintelligible comments involving the word "grubs" and "health board"


6:10 PM - enjoy free meal


8:00 PM - get rip-roaringly drunk at a bar whose name incorporates an animal and an object


10:00 PM - pass out in the bathroom


4:00 AM - wake up on a couch that looks surprisingly familiar, although the hours leading up to the couch are pretty much blacked out