Art School Confidential

As the deadlines for applications for the fall march ever closer, I am increasingly reminded of the fact that my portfolio still consists of only photographs.

On the one hand, this year has been a great success. I'm far more capable when it comes to school than I ever gave myself credit for, and I may be able to secure some scholarships for myself. On the other hand, my first drawing class made me want to curl up in the fetal position, and I haven't picked up a drawing implement since I dropped the course.

Life is long. I keep telling other people this, and I try to remind myself of the same. But it doesn't make me feel any less antsy about getting into a photography program as soon as is humanly possible.

Going back to school has been great. I feel smarter. I feel educated. I have structure in my life again. But I haven't been developing as an artist, unless you count memorizing other people's work (Art History), which I don't.

I'm still tied up in knots over having to actually draw something in order to convey the fact that I am creative and belong in art school. I don't even know if I'd like art school. My impression of fine arts professors so far hasn't been especially positive, since no one seems to want to tell you what they're looking for or how to accomplish it.

My tolerance for bullshit is very, very low. I love photography. I want to study photography, just as I'm studying English, Art History, Japanese, and Psychology. But I dread getting into a class where my professor announces that he/she "doesn't give A's". Granted, how do you determine that someone's art is worthy of an A? But to make a blanket statement that you won't be giving any is absurd. If I know I won't succeed no matter how hard I try, why the hell would I bother?

I'm seriously considering taking some non-credit art courses in order to get my feet wet without taking a hit on my GPA, but I'm not excited about hemorrhaging money with no credits to show for it.

Did I mention that the for-credit photography class I was planning on taking is full? I was not thrilled.