The Checklist
There is a checklist. I’ve rarely heard it addressed directly, but it comes up in conversation on a regular basis. If I were to condense some of its contents, it would look something like this:
x – put up Christmas decorations already, neighbours still slacking, 5 points
x – baked enough cookies to feed the developing world and finished my Christmas shopping before other people have even started, 20 points
x – brow-beat significant other into achieving next step of relationship progression, 50 points
_ – plan wedding that costs more than the GDP of Fiji
_ – set timeline for having children, disregarding debt and overall financial stability
Question: who the fuck came up with this bullshit, and why are women constantly bringing it up? Since when were all females playing what amounts to an RPG, and when do I get to officially opt out? Is it possible to talk about something like, oh, I don’t know, world events? Must we sit around, congratulating each other on checking off new items, while simultaneously admonishing everyone else who has failed to do so?
Now, Ladies, I realize that it’s a huge leap, but might I suggest that we all take a step back and consider that not everyone cares about The Checklist. If we’re all so fucking feminist, then it might be good to remember that we all have a CHOICE about what we choose to pursue, and the order and speed in which we pursue said items is NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS. We can talk about other things, like music, philosophy, science. I regularly have conversations with men and women that never so much as drift in the direction of The Checklist, and I think we can make this the norm if we all try really hard. I realize that means that you won’t get to probe me on my marital status or ticking biological clock at every family gathering, but it will get easier with practice. If you start to get twitchy with withdrawl, feel free to retreat into a few costume dramas where the characters have nothing better to do than compare checklists. You can rejoin the real world when you’ve got it out of your system.
