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It seems only natural, being risk-averse as I am, that the moment I engage in a physically demanding task, I break myself. I’ve been working with Seuss doing landscape construction, which is a huge departure from my otherwise office-dominated work history, but I’ve always liked a good challenge. Things were going well until Friday, when I got both feet caught in some wire mesh and went face-first into some sidewalk blocks.

I managed to crack my incisor in half and fracture the radial head in my elbow, nevermind the grotesquely swollen upper lip and nasty-looking abrasion. I racked up a lovely dentist bill before proceeding down to the emergency room for an eight-hour visit. I’ve gained some insight from the experience, which I will now share.

1 – Those calcium-magnesium supplements ARE actually important
In spite of doing a face plant into one of the most unyielding substances around, I managed to knock out ZERO teeth, required no root canals and sustained the tiniest of fractures. Some of this can be attributed to genetics, but I think a good bit of it also has to do with taking those supplements. I met a woman that day who also broke her right arm in a fall, but rather than a small fracture, she shattered her humerus (the large bone in your upper arm) in four places. Take those supplements – you won’t care until your arm looks like a sack of potatoes and you need surgery just to line the pieces back up.

2 – My vanity far exceeds my pain threshold
As I lay on the ground staring at the fragment from my tooth, my first thought wasn’t about pain, but instead about how horribly disfigured I would now be. Visions of me missing my front teeth flashed before my eyes, and yes, that was what made me cry. Me as meth-addict. Me as hockey player. That was one of my top ten least shining moments as a human being – discovering that I care more about how I look than how much pain I’m in. Thankfully, I also discovered that my mind was quickly put at ease once I knew that my tooth could be filled and made to look like a normal tooth, and I was completely unselfconscious about have a giant, swollen and bloodied lip that made me look like a parrot. Go figure.

3 – I need my right arm for just about everything
Take typing, for example. Writing this has taken me at least 3x as long as it normally would have. In fact, everything takes three times as long: showering, brushing my hair, making a sandwich, eating . . . I can’t play video games for very long because my arm gets tired and sore from trying to hold the controller at an awkward angle. I can barely put a bra on, and I definitely can’t put my hair in a ponytail. One tiny crack, and I can’t perform 90% of my activities of daily living.

4 – Being at home with nothing to do isn’t as fun as I would have imagined
It’s only been a few days, and I’m bored as fuck. I can’t play video games for very long, there’s nothing on TV, I’m too handicapped to clean the house, I shouldn’t drive unless I absolutely have to, and everyone I know is either working or in school during the day. Even using the computer is physically awkward and draining. I take a lot of Advil, read and sleep. Thrilling.

5 – It’s really easy to take things for granted
I sustained no head injuries, no internal injuries, contracted no communicable diseases – in other words, I got off really, really easy. As much as having a broken elbow is uncomfortable and a nuisance, it will heal, and quite quickly at that. My tooth is patched up, my lip is healing, and I don’t require anything stronger than Advil. I saw people in emergency who looked like they would gladly take a broken arm over the pain they were in, people who were white as a sheet and nauseous, others struggling to breathe, still others doubled over and dreaming of lying down on a bed. My pain is minimal and transient, and I think I owe it to myself and the people who never get relief from their pain to revel in all that my body allows me to do everyday. More dancing, more running, more feeling the sun on my skin and the wind in my hair. Life is short.

Until I’m mended, however, I will probably continue to swear when I can’t spread the peanut butter without dropping the knife. And when I can’t reach something mere inches away because my arm won’t bend. And pretty much every time I try to dress myself.