Limeworld.com

I love this guy so much. I may offer to bear his children.

It is now my ambition to request this at a club or wedding. If YOU successfully request this at a club or wedding, take a short video and I will give you an awesome prize. Seriously.

Caution: this may take your day to 11.

I feel like I’ve posted this before, but really, it’s so good it should be posted more than once. It’s actually impossible for me to have a bad day after watching this video.

Embedding unavailable, click the link to watch on YouTube.


[Telephone Call]
Nigga this is the 15th muthafuckin time
That I called and left yo ass messages
I done text yo bitch ass,
And u ain’t respondin to nothin
What the fuck is you doing
Who the fuck is you out there with
You think I’m stupid,
My gurlz already done put me up on your ass tonight
When u get home I got some news for yo bitch ass

[Chorus]
Why you comin home 5 in the mornnn
Somethins goin on, can I smell yo dick
Don’t play me like a fool, cause that ain’t cool
So wat u need to do is lemme smell yo dick

Why u comin home 5 in the mornin
Somethins goin on, can I smell yo dick
Don’t play me like a fool, cause that ain’t cool
So wat u need to do is lemme smell yo dick

It’s 4 oclock and I’m sleepin
It’s late night and u creepin
You coulda told me, “I’m leaving”
Now I know your out there cheatin

Why you gotta do me like that
When I call u don’t call me back
I’m texting u, like nigga where u at
That’s fucked up, why u do me like that

I’m dead sleepin, u trickin
In the club with dirty foot bitches
My girl was there n she witness
She had a camera phone she took pictures

You was on the dance floor grindin
With a striper Ho named Diamond
You was flossin hard, u was shinnin
Everything she drank, u buying
Fuck nigga u need to stop lying

Before I get mad and pull out my Nine
U want a new bitch to fuck, then that’s fine
But don’t fuck hers, then try to fuck mine

U keep tellin me “u ain’t touch her”
But some keep tellin me u done fucked’er
And I ain’t that bitch, u want to play with
Nigga drop them boxers, lemme smell yo dick

[Chorus]
Why you comin home 5 in the mornnn
Somethins goin on, can I smell yo dick
Don’t play me like a fool, cause that ain’t cool
So wat u need to do is lemme smell yo dick

Why u comin home 5 in the mornin
Somethins goin on, can I smell yo dick
Don’t play me like a fool, cause that ain’t cool
So wat u need to do is lemme smell yo dick

Hey, hey
Smell my dick? Wait a minute hold up
See that’s how a bitch get’er eye swole’up
And I don’t give a damn wat your homegirl seen
When I was in the club, what the fuck u mean

They ain’t got no bisnuz, eyein’ me like dat
You ain’t got no bisnuz, tryin me like dat
I wan’t even feelin Diamond like dat
I was wildin’, but I wunt clownin like dat

That’s allright, that’s okay
Gon head believe wat your homegirl say
A nigga like me, drink alot of liquor
Meet alot bitches, take a lot of pictures

I might break bread, with one or two strippaz
But that don’t mean u gotta pull ma zippa
Thinking I dick down the whole town
Even though I got dick to go around (round… round)

[Chorus]
Why you comin home 5 in the mornnn
Somethins goin on, can I smell yo dick
Don’t play me like a fool, cause that ain’t cool
So wat u need to do is lemme smell yo dick

Why u comin home 5 in the mornin
Somethins goin on, can I smell yo dick
Don’t play me like a fool, cause that ain’t cool
So wat u need to do is lemme smell yo dick

[Music fade]

I love this so much. A somewhat related question: why is that look so very Eastern European, and why does it not seem to change? This is a totally legitimate question, because I SWEAR TO GOD my Hungarian step-father actually dresses like that when not forced to wear dressier work clothes. Both outfits are totally part of his wardrobe. Athletic pants and strangely patterned sweater, or wife-beater and sweatpants are practically his casual uniform. I’m not even kidding. If he could get away with a mullet, I’m pretty sure he’d rock that too. I thought it would evolve into something more modern but equally tacky, but no, it never does.

This is a completely accurate diagram. It should be made in pamphlet form and handed out near barber shops (because the nefarious facial hair-dos would naturally only emerge from a barber shop).

Seuss is currently sitting at “trustworthy”, but it wasn’t that long ago that he was sporting something that bumped him up closer to “threatening” or “dangerous”. See if you can guess which ones he has dabbled in recently. See this post for reference.

Look at this site and tell me this isn’t awesome. Whenever I see Justin Bieber now, I see a lesbian.

If only I had known all of these helpful tips when I was single.

“Ooops, I spilled wine all over you, now you have to take your clothes off. Did I mention I really like hockey? Mike Comrie is my fave.”



Via indistinguishablefromayoyo, who is single and wants you to spill alcoholic beverages on him.

I don’t even understand.  Japanese quasi-Catholics who perform yogurt-lubricated “correct sex” in front of the congregation.  The more I read about them, the less I understand.  It’s not the language barrier, it’s the crazy barrier.  Did I mention that the woman who has sex with the pastor is a “virgin” who has been pregnant for 3 years?  Apparently with twins, the product of parthenogenesis.

Japanese people are perfectionists at everything, including insanity.

Overheard at Mucho Burrito at lunch:

“Hamsters are classified as bears. No, they totally are. That’s why some of them are called ‘teddy bear hamsters’.”
“Mammals are anything that has hair.”
“Reptiles are anything that isn’t a mammal or a bird or doesn’t fit into the other categories.”

I love it when posts basically write themselves.