I’ve decided to become a gaming cam whore. Since the bar is obviously set pretty low, I think my chances of success at this are pretty good. Here’s my future profile:
Name: Limegirl Games:Bukkake Bikini Squad, Imagine: Proctologist and Blood Bath Skull-Fucking Orgy Physical Assets: vigorous digestive system and unusually smooth knees Activities Available: gaming while flossing, gaming while suspended over vat of gelatin, preparing curry with only a mug and an incandescent lamp More About Me: I have a glandular problem that causes me to produce large amounts of body hair, so I may need to shave while we game.
Becoming a navel-gazing narcissist before anyone else realized it was cool to become a navel-gazing narcissist is my sole claim to fame. I am not married. I do not have 3 beautiful children. I have not garnered the notice of Hollywood types, and yet somehow I continue to scream into the gaping void of the internet while simultaneously telling myself that it doesn’t matter if anyone else reads it.
It’s not true. It doesn’t matter until someone you went to school with gets famous for doing something you thought no one was really paying attention to. THEN it matters.
Photorealistic drawing blows my mind, and Dirk Dzimirsky’s drawings take it to a whole new level. Check out his piece called “Trinity”, top row, third from the left and tell me that you don’t actually utter, outloud, “SHUT UP” when you see the media he drew it with.
You know the kind I’m talking about. It’s playoffs, and you will preserve every bristle, whisker and lock on the off chance that your team will gain an advantage. Or maybe you just graduated from university, and you’re going to Coachella, and you just don’t give a fuck, and you progressively move from flow to mullet to skullet in a demonstration of genuine hair artistry. You may have also given up on the idea of ever getting laid again, but that’s beside the point.
Seuss has been cultivating flow. No playoffs. No fuck-you gesture as a post-graduation demonstration of individuality and will. Just three months of EI and an unwillingness to pay for a haircut. In honour of this, I present the following images as depictions of his creation.
I’m overdue for updating his Mii, clearly.
I was torn between this picture and a picture of Chewbacca, which was almost identical.
Let’s face it . . . even with that hair, I’d still do him.
This is the future. This is what I will be waking up next to in a few months. Somebody hold me.
After 16 long and wonderful years, Daddy has gone to the Rainbow Bridge. So sad for those of us left behind, but we were all blessed by his presence, even for those of us who never had a chance to meet him. What an AMAZING dog. Goodbye Daddy, I’ll tell my critters to come and greet you.
